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The Dystopian Holiday Gift Catalog
By Noel Spangler | Weekly Humorist (2020)
Norma, A Doll for the New Normal
$159.99
Meet your child’s new best friend. This lovable, yet untouchable companion is programmed to repeat the CDC’s guidelines and share the latest gossip on who’s tested positive. Caution: Norma has a strict social distancing policy. Come within 6 feet of her without a mask, and you’ll activate her alarm system, sending an alert to local law enforcement. Ages 2 and up.
Fearplugs, 24/7 Newsfeed
$55.99
Give your loved ones the gift of fear. With CNN’s wireless earplugs, they’ll receive constant, up-to-date news on COVID cases, police shootings, riots, wildfires, and much more. Fearplugs are safe for everyone, including those with high blood pressure or heart conditions.
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